Showing posts with label Deception. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Deception. Show all posts

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Pour Some Sugar On Me


I had awakened and early on Saturday morning, and the days of my being able to crawl into bed with my mom, and pull her eyelids were gone. My attempting such a feat as a teen would land me, as Fred G. Sanford used to say, “Five across the lips,” while shaking his fist at Lamont. Well my mom began dating a fellow that was sort of a bully, and not very kind to put it lightly. And he had been at our house a lot, and the more time you get to spend with people the more you learn about them. He had recently lost his job, started drinking, and was sponging off of my mother. Mom finally saw that he was not the same fellow that she had first met, and asked him to leave. It was not a pleasant ordeal needless to say. But there was one bright spot in his being there. It was another life lesson for me, and has made me a better father, and helped me in the prank business as well!

Our bully had decided to go out for a run bright and early on the Saturday morning that set me off. What set me off was the fact that when he returned he ate the last of my Rice Chex cereal! He just snarled at me, like what will you do about it! Did I mention that he had lost his job? Yeah I thought so. Well I am a man that believes restitution should be paid in full. I am also a very patient soul when it comes to payment, receiving and giving if need be. Well it is better to give than to receive, and it was my turn to give. You can’t eat a brotha’s Chex and then punk him out like that! Most of all you don’t treat a Mama’s boy’s mama with such disrespect! He never gave her money, and he never cooked one meal for her!

Well our friend the bully again was there every day that following week, including the weekend. He went to the cupboard to find the cereal that was purchased without any contributions from his hand, and poured a Jethro Bodine sized bowl of Chex. Used my imperfect Christian Jethro Bowl in the deal again, and my favorite spoon! Did I tell you that he didn’t have a job, and that he hadn’t paid for any of the food that he was consuming!? I did, my bad, OK on with the facts.

He got the milk out of the fridge, again the milk that he had spent nary a dime on, and filled the bowl. Then he grabbed the sugar bowl, and put about five table spoons full on his larger than life bowl of cereal. He sat down and took a bite. Of course I had to stick around because I had grown to be a rather testy teenager. My Granddaddy told me that it took a man to dish out a beat down, and more of a man to stay in the fight and take one. Well I wasn’t going to miss this one, and was willing to take the beat down! He yelled through the house like the house was on fire and told my mom that the cereal was bad. A grown man whining to the woman of the house, the one that he was sponging off of, and had the nerve to wake her and tell her his cereal was bad. I would like to punch him in his grill to this day, for the way he treated my mama! Lord forgive me for imperfect, and unrighteous thoughts.

My mother came out to check on him. He was worse than a two year old, and said, “This cereal is no good.” My mother coming to his rescue began to investigate the crime scene. She checked the milk first. “It’s not out of date, it smells ok,” she took a sip, “it tastes ok.” So then she took some cereal out of the box, “The cereal doesn’t taste bad,” she remarked. So on to the sugar. “It tastes like salt,” she exclaimed.” Wow, probably because it is…” she said holding back tears from laughing hysterically inside! He got up and was ready to kill me, and I smiled as I walked by him with my baseball bat in hand. I praise God for allowing me to be surrounded by friends that prevented me from using another smaller Angels bat on the bully while he was talking trash to my mother. I walked past him straight to my room, and my friend had told his dad that he thought I was going to do something bad. He went into our house, and passed out drunk on my mother’s sofa. I didn’t go to a juvenile detention center, and our bully tried to come back drunk, and promptly got served a butt whoopin’ by the same man that kept me from hitting Juvy. God is too good. All stories should end well, and have a hero. Live the righteous life imperfect Christian, and God will be your hero, and the final chapter will be a victorious one!

Well brothers and sisters, be blessed with a sunny and peaceful Saturday, and give love, as you are loved, and even when you don’t feel loved. For what greater love do we know than the love that was given to us when He laid His life down for us, now that is a man who knows about the beat down!

Peace Blessings and Joy… That real PB&J

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

How Does That Look?

What does a 320 pound woman look like? Now, before you scroll down to look at her pictures, get a mental image of what you think a woman who weighs 320 looks like...GOT IT?





























































Not exactly what you were expecting is it?? The tallest and one of the best proportioned women for her height in the world lives in Holland. She is 7'4" and weighs 320lbs. OK Mr. Verkade is this what all the women in Holland look like!?
Well here's a tale that's not quite as tall as our friend here, but a good one nonetheless!

A man had just had one of the worst days of his life, and was determined to immediately turn it around. He was willing to do whatever it took to make things work! He had lost his job, his wife was threatening to take the kids and leave, and they were behind on every bill! He had been all over town looking for work, and couldn't afford to move, besides that no other auto companies were hiring assembly personnel. He was without a degree but had technical skills, and learned quickly. He was a big man, around 6'9" and 370 lbs and he was as strong as a bear, but as gentle as a lamb. So, he went to the zoo for one last chance, praying to find some work. He asked the Lead Keeper if they could use anyone. He offered to clean the lobby, feed the animals, and clean the habitations, he was willing to do whatever it took. The Lead Keeper said we have student volunteers from the college that are filling in right now, sorry. Then the Assistant Keeper excited and out of breath came in wild eyed and shouting, "Willie is gone!"

The Lead Keeper said, "What do you mean, has he escaped!?"

The assistant specified with tears in his eyes that Willie their main attraction, the big gorilla had died! The Lead Keeper paused for a moment stricken with grief, then with one thought allowed anxiety to overtake him cried out, "We have a school group coming to see him this afternoon, what will we do!"

The assistant quick witted on always on his toes told the Lead Keeper in private that they still had the Willie suit in the back. With that said the Lead Keeper offered the big man a job! He asked the big man if he would put on a show for the kids. The big man was ecstatic! He agreed immediately to take the job, then ran to the back and began to garb up in the Willie suit! It was a much better suit than the one in the movie "Trading Places," also. LOL

They placed him in the gorilla exhibit, and he began to swing and practice, acting like Willie. Just at that point he noticed that the children had arrived early! He didn't want to disappoint them so he really began to put on a show! He would swing back and forth on a vine that was high in the exhibit. He swung over the edge of his habitation, and looked down and saw the lion watching. He swung back to his tree and thumped his chest at the lion, and snorted. The Lion roared and just looked on. The big man swung over the lions den again and growled fiercely!

The big man was putting on quite a show, and feeling good until he slipped from the vine and fell almost two stories down into the lions den!

The lion walked over slowly, and the big man trying not to blow his cover tried to catch his breath and crawl to a safe place slowly. The lion stalked him. He caught the big man at the wall. The children had mixed emotions, some wanted the gorilla to escape, and others wanted to see the lion eat him, and a few thought the gorilla could take the lion, so they urged them to fight.

The big man kept his cool, while the lion crouched playfully in front of him, just behind some tall grass. Then in an instant the lion leapt over the grass and stretched outright to his limit, placing both front paws over the big man's shoulders! The big man squealed like a little girl with no nerve, and said, "Please don't eat me!"

The lion leaned in close with his nose just under the gorilla's chin and growled mightily one last time.The lion then put his mouth next to the gorilla's cheek and softly whispered in the big mans ear, "Calm down big fella, what're you trying to do, get us both fired!?"

The moral of this story is not everything is as it appears to be.

Someone may tell you that they love you, and have your best of interest in mind, when they are really trying to bring you down, or do what's best for them. However, I know of One that will never let you down and never forsake you. God knows what's best for you, and always has in store for you what is best for you... Jeremiah 29:11
Listen for Him, trust in Him, and go with Him, and you will never be misled.

Peace, Blessings, and Joy... the real PB&J!